DFCS, I'm back!

Sitting in the lobby at a metro DFCS office with the rest of humanity waiting on my new hire orientation. After 6 years of stay-at-home momnness, I am back to work. I'll be doing something totally new (Medicaid applications instead of foster care and adoption) that pays a lot less. It's the benefits and retirement that I'm after. After navigating the training, I should be able to work a reasonable schedule with no overtime at an office less than 30 minutes away. Wish me luck!

Low tech

It's a low tech summer for all the kids thanks to Graceful and her late night conversations with a boy she's never met. iPods, DS, Xbox, iPad, netbooks have been relocated to our room. Their ultimate fate is still to be determined. In a encouraging turn of events, all the kids rallied around Mister, convincing Coach to return his 3-week old iPod touch because he never has, and likely never will, use it for anything that it is not intended for. Now we are not totally unplugged. The TV is still in use. Coach's PS3 remains. Coach and I continue to enjoy our iPhones (and now Queen Bee's iPad), and the Fledging (who returned to the nest this week) still has his computer, iPod and phone. Ahhh . . . thr benefits of adulthood. But for the past few days, I've heard nothing but the cheerful sounds of card games, Chutes and Ladders, and Clue and the padding of 10 feet as the little kids race each other around the perimeter of the house over and over. Heck, even I'm encouraged to rediscover my long lost live of reading. I've found, however, that my attention span has been decimated by blog reading. Two chapters into Treasure Island and I had to take a break. Here's my challenge - for a woman with 9 kids, I sure like to be left alone. My challenge is to invite opportunities to have shared experiences and build relationships with each one of my children. In only ten years, everyone but Termite could potentially be out of the house. I'll have plenty of quiet time then.

Deaf Ears

Sigh. So glad that my goal for myself and for my kids is not "never make a mistake" but "learn to make good decisions.". Otherwise we'd be failing miserably. Queen Bee has made certainly made some huge mistakes in judgment here lately with regards to an older guy. How many times have we discussed the pitfalls of digital media? Phineas and Ferb have it right - Fame is fleeting but the Internet is forever. Why is it that some girls will so quickly believe any lie that comes out of a handsome mouth no matter how illogical it is. And so trust is destroyed and we set about the process of rebuilding. Ultimately, the consequences are hers to deal with. So she'll mope her way through a period of technology silence and the feat of possible abject public humiliation. Hopefully, she will learn something.

On a positive note, the start of Mini-Me's soccer practice was fantastic! Thirteen girls showed up and had a great time! Coach was beaming. Good day.

Quiet evening at home

Ahhh . . . A two week break between middle school soccer season and the beginning of soccer with Coach and Mini-Me. Coach came home early with - surprise - 6 new baby chicks. All the middle schoolers came home on the bus. With Coach home, I got to go alone pick up Mini-Me and our new little foster daughter from Girl Scouts. So nice to not have to referee with the boys. Kids and Coach cleaned out the shed and burned a pile of brush while I fixed dinner. No pizza boxes! A delightfully quiet evening interrupted only by the untimely death of two of the chicks. Apparently these chicks are not as hardy as the ones I picked out.

Still working on the modified Atkins diet for seizures for Termite. I'm worried that I don't have the attention to detail that this requires. He is in ketosis though, but I don't see a remarkable change in seizure activity. Deep breath. Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

Sunday afternoon

Sunday afternoon.  Doing some low carb experiments in the kitchen.  Baking low-carb cupcakes and making low-carb candy for my little Termite who's on the modified Atkins diet for seizures.  They smell good.  I hope they taste good.  I plan to freeze them to send to school for him to have on hand for in-class birthday parties.

Beautiful day. I wore a dress to church this morning.  I had to shave my legs yesterday to take the kids swimming.  Thought I'd make the most of smooth legs.

Queen Bee has a friend over.  She's spent the last two days literally in bed, recovering from a migraine and months on end of daily school, basketball/soccer practice, and work.  And the late nights texting friends and listening to her iPod.

All the other kids are outside running around, playing in the neighbor's creek, taking care of chickens, building forts, and making things out of rocks and sticks and string.  Or inside making paper dolls or playing board games.  Coach has put a moratorium on the XBox for a while.

I've come to the realization that The Fledgling is doing exactly as he pleases.  I've been begging him for a year to tell me what he really wants.  I guess I was hoping that his real answer was going to college or finding a job that he really likes.  Nope.  Its living a life with maximum freedom and minimum responsibility.  Finding a living situation, no matter how tenuous, that costs him as little as possible.  Couch-surfing - or upper-bunk-surfing to be more accurate.  Finding a way to make just enough money to pay his car insurance and put gas in his car without requiring much time or commitment from him.  Finding a girlfriend and socializing with friends.  This is what he really wants right now.  I can't change that.  If I had one wish, it would be for him to pass the one college course he is taking right now.  He's halfway through.  It's paid for.  He has no other demands on his time so there's no reason not to just finish it up.  But reason is something he doesn't have right now.  Here's the sound of me letting go.  Sigh.

A brave new world

Sitting outside on this beautiful Saturday. Got a few minutes before I need to go start working on dinner. Graceful's off with dad at work again. Still on "lockdown" for lying. Extra Daddy time is never a bad thing though.

The Fledgling got himself fired this week. The straw that broke the camel's back? Trying to flirt with his coworkers instead of working. Same boundary/following directions issues we've been working on the whole year we've known him. How much clearer can you be than, "Don't hug the girls"? So after a day of job hunting, he calls last night to say that finding a job isn't easy. Well, yeah son. Isn't that what we've been telling you for a year. Yes, he says, but I didn't learn that from you telling me. Congratulations, honey, you're learning it the hard way but at least you are learning.

I bought chicks today for the first time. 2 red pullets and 5 Cornish rocks. Wish them luck. With 10 small hands eager to hold them, they will either be very tame or very dead.

We have an extra little one around for a while, or a long while. It's hard to say with fostering. But she's about Mini-Me's age so there's been a lot of giggling and baby doll playing going on lately.

My husband's blog name is going to be Coach. He coaches his employees and the kids, both at soccer and in life. Sometimes he even coaches me. Not that I like that very much, but he loves me. :)

Alright, let's go dig some ground beef out of the freezer and get working on some tacos.

What a tangled web we weave

We've got a kid on "lock down" right now.  Facebook account closed down.  Netbook and iPod gone.  100% adult supervision.  She's at work with dad right now. All over a boy that she rarely sees.  It's not really the boy though.  If it was, she could "date" him (middle school dating = calling yourself boyfriend/girlfriend, communicating via social media, writing each other notes, and hugging and possibly kissing in the school hallways), break up in two weeks, and move on.  No big deal.

But it's the lying and deceitfulness.  We (parents and kid together) had discussed this young man and agreed that he is a little teen "player" whose goal it is to get as many girls fighting over him as possible by any means necessary, including trying to get her best friend to sneak out of the house to make out with him at the movies.  It's the telling us to our faces that nothing is going on while in reality she is doing everything she can to ensure that this boy is her "boyfriend" without us knowing.

And it's the crazy lying too.  The kind of lying that is so puzzling you have no idea how to response.

Does she . . . will she understand how much we truly love her and value her and want to see her value herself?  How it breaks our hearts to think that she would sell out herself and her family for the fleeting attention of a guy who cares nothing for her.  At 12, is it too early for her to understand that loser guys can smell that vulnerability from 10 miles away?

I pray one day she will.  One day soon.  Until then, lots of extra Mama and Daddy time is in order.

So Long to Seizures!

This week Termite is starting on the Modified Atkins Diet for Seizures.  He is supposed to be eating less than 10 grams of carbs a day.  To start with, I am shooting for 20 grams.  This is what he has eaten so far today:  a few grapes (3 g), 1 egg scrambled with heavy whipping cream and some cheddar cheese (1 g), heavy whipping cream mixed with water as a no-carb substitute for milk (0 g), a Wendy's double stack with cheese but no bun (1 g), pickles (0 g), 4 hotdogs (0 g), 10 goldfish crackers (4 g).  Still to come is dinner - tortilla-less tacos with cheese, sour cream, lettuce and salsa.

I also fixed some low carb fried chicken today.  This is chicken thighs, dipped in butter and an egg, rolled in crushed pork rinds, and fried in oil.  It tastes really good.  Really good.  Like my Paula Deen cookware?

Termite has a less common type of epilepsy that is notoriously uncontrollable with medication. He has about 20 to 30 seizures a day.  Most of them are small and all of them are short lived, but some of them can knock him over and all of them disrupt and damage his brain.  He is on the highest dose of this third anti-seizure med, and the next med on the horizon for him is a benzodiazepine.  I'm not too thrilled about the idea.  I am also not too thrilled that his recent neuropsychological report says that a contributing factor to his cognitive delay could be the "long-standing use of AEDs (anti-epileptic drugs)."  So the drugs that are supposed to be helping him have less seizures may be messing up his brain in other ways?  Seriously?

I'm very hopeful about this diet.  The reasoning behind MAD (and also the ketogenic diet - the original anti-seizure diet) is this - for people with seizures, carbs are not good brain food.  Our bodies have basically two sources of energy - carbohydrates and fat.  Check out the new MyPlate campaign by the USDA.  The recommended "healthy" diet here is the US is heavy on carbs (grains, rice, fruits, and vegetables), moderate on protein, and low in fat.  In fact, "fat" isn't even on the plate at all. 

But the brain can burn fat for energy just as well as carbs.  In fact, there is something about burning fat for energy that is inconsistent with seizure activity.  In fact, it's so good for the brain that, in some people, the diet actually "heals" the brain.  After two years on the diet, many people are able to return to a normal diet and remain seizure-free or maintain an acceptable level of seizure control.  Here's hoping.  Until then, my grocery cart will be filled with lots of eggs, cheese, and pork rinds.

I'm no expert so for more information dietary interventions for seizures, check out  Dr. John Freeman's book "Ketogenic Diets: Treatments for Epilepsy and Other Disorders" and the Modified Atkins for Seizures website.

You won't be seeing that around here

A recent blog post I read included a cookie recipe with the following ingredient: "2 1/4 cups flour (I prefer fresh ground)"

Ummm . . . no.

Changes

Making some changes around here. Blogwise, my 19 year old is now The Fledgling. My 12 yo didn't like Baby Girl, even though it's what her Daddy calls her, so we are going to try out Graceful. My 9 yo little man is now Mister. This is a kid who brings me the grocery store circular and points out the good sales. He is awesome. Also I heard a rumor from other kids that he referred to me as his mom yesterday on the bus. Yea! He's been back in my home since this summer, and this time, he's a keeper!

On the home front, The Fledgling moved out yesterday. Somewhat of a mutual parting of the ways. He definitely wanted more freedom though he's hesitant about the responsibility that comes with that. Time will tell if he truly believes that being out of the house doesn't mean out of the family. But I refuse to be manipulated and lied to by an adult who is living at my house if his own accord. He's capable of doing what he wants to do. We'll see what that really is. Pray for him.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Recent events here at the house have got me reading up on manipulation techniques like lying, playing the victim, and blaming. I've discovered Dr. George Simon, author of "In Sheep's Clothing" and "Character Disturbances.". The quotes below are from his blog at www.drgeorgesimon.com. More fascinating reading can be found at http://counsellingresource.com/.

"Manipulators are often quite skilled in the various ways to decieve, con, and otherwise lie.  One of the most subtle but yet effective ways to lie is lying by omission.  A very skilled manipulator might even recite a litany of very true facts but then (possibly unbeknownst to you) deliberately leave out a key detail that would shed an entirely new light on the reality of a situation.  All of this is done for the purposes of impression management and outcome manipulation."

"The problems associated with disturbed characters might be so engrained that they occur “automatically,” but the disordered character is fully conscious of them.  He knows exactly what’s going on, what he’s doing, why he’s doing it, and even why others consider his behaviors problematic.  Lying is one of the more common of his problem behaviors.  Sometimes the disordered character lies so “automatically” that he lies even when the truth would have done just fine.  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t know he’s lying.  He knows – he just does it so often and readily that he does it without even thinking about it.
   
A fair amount of the time, when disturbed characters are confronted about why they did something hurtful, they will reply:  “To tell you the truth, I don’t know.”  In my experience, this is most always a lie designed to manipulate and impression-manage others as well as to evade responsibility.  “I don’t know” doesn’t  really mean that the disordered character is oblivious to his motivations (i.e. has no conscious awareness of his intent).  Instead, it often means “I’ve never really thought about it;” or “I don’t want to talk about it now;” or “I don’t want to tell you because they you’ll have my number, the con game will be over, and you’ll start holding me more accountable.”

Quiet but Restless

At home this afternoon with 4 kids -
8 yo Mini-Me, 8 yo Termite, my 13 year old son I think I'll call "The Total Package," and a sulking but hopefully contrite 19 yo. Can't seem to get a handle on the day. Got chicken defrosting for dinner. Leaving in an hour to pick up Baby Girl from the movies, take a second stab at getting a heat lamp bulb for the chickens (who knew they came in different sizes?) and pick up Queen Bee from work.

My new buddy, the Secret Pepper Person, had some real-life observations about ADHD meds recently. Concerta made for a nice trip to Walmart today - no holding onto Termite for dear life or constantly telling him to put stuff down. Instead, we walked through the store like(relatively) normal people and talked (yes, actual sentences) about what he wanted to buy. At the rate he is going, I'm hopeful that he will be able to learn to read (or at least be able to write his name by the end of the third grade.). The formation of opinions about the use of ADHD medications should be delayed until after you have had the opportunity to spend the day with a child whose brain wave activity is "markedly abnormal" and who can't pay attention long enough to play.

Friday Checklist

To Do List for Today:

1)  Wash van - check
2)  Make cookie cake for Mini-Me's birthday party - check
3)  Get Powerade for 12 yo Baby Girl with stomach upset - check
4)  Deal with 19 yo who is struggling with making good decisions and telling the truth - pending

Low Maintenance Celebrations: The Birthday Party

Around here, birthdays come in clumps - 3 in the few weeks after Christmas, 4 in late spring/early summer, and 3 in the fall. I usually push the parties for the two January birthdays into February so I get a break from party planning in March, July, and August. I have no desire to plan elaborate parties. I provide the food and, with the right mix of friends, the fun should take care of itself. And, yes, I have reused birthday candles.

My eight year old daughter, Mini-Me, is having her birthday party this Friday. She is delighted to be using my preferred low maintenance/low cost birthday party format - the Friday Night Movie Party. It goes over best for elementary school-aged children but is ONLY low cost if you live in a town with a cheap movie theatre. The local movie theatre here in Small Town has two screens and shows first-run movies at a cost of $6 for adults and $4 for children.

Here's the game plan - 3 of Mini-Me's friends will ride home from school with her on Friday. [Mini-Me self-limited her guest list for reasons unknown. For those of you who don't drive a 15 passenger van like me, the size of your guest list will be limited by the number of extra seats in your car.] Serve ice cream and cookie cake for an afterschool snack. Let them play uninterrupted. REPEAT: Let them play. Resist the temptation to create more work yourself by providing a structured party game or craft. For those you are thinking that I am lazy and that it is the job of every self-respecting mother to provide elaborate party activities, I challenge you to get over yourself and consider the possibility that your children don't have to be entertained by you in order to have a good time. Of course, it's also possible that I am just lazy.

I digress. Around 5:30 pm, feed them a kid-friendly dinner. We will be having Mini-Me's favorite - nachos. Then take the kids to a 7 PM movie. Total cost for movie at Small Town Movies = less than $50 ($22 for 1 adult and 4 kids' tickets plus concessions.). Have parents pick guests up after the movie. Lots of fun and minimal fuss.

I have a theme song

I googled my blog today and found this.  It's my theme song.

Allergic to Mink by Rickey Godfrey

I do wonder about that boy sometimes

My 11 year old, the Boy Wonder, is a piece of work. Most of us have priorities - work, family, school, recreation, and so on. And they rotate - you may focus on one thing now and another later. The Boy Wonder has one absolute top priority - play. All other activities are a distant - make that very distant - second. I doubt that he would starve himself. Though at 60 lbs, it seems that he stops only long enough to fuel up for the next round. Like a pitstop. He usually eats with one leg and buttcheek hanging off the chair.

After church and lunch today, we worked on our chicken coop, newly acquired from our neighbors who are moving into a gated community where farm animals are frowned upon. While my husband and I leveled the coop and the girls painted, the boys headed across the street to round up the chickens. Given what I know about the Boy Wonder, I shouldn't have been surprised when I turned around to find him smiling, holding a chicken, covered in mud and still wearing his Sunday clothes and church shoes. Sigh.

I'm being followed

I'm beside myself. I have a blog follower, and it's the Secret Pepper Society. I better come up with something good to say.

Here's a thought. I'm so proud of my two youngest foster (future adopted) sons. All
I hear from their teachers at school is how well they are doing in school and what a positive change they are seeing in their attitudes and behavior since last year. Makes a foster/adoptive parent want to puff up with pride at what a fabulous mommy job I must be doing. Foster parents hear it all the time, "It takes a really special person to do what you do."

Here's my dirty little secret - I'm not a special person. I'm just a regular mama. I climb on the short bus in my pjs every morning to buckle my kid in. I've been known to yell at my kids. Sometimes I go to church just for the free child care. I am typing this as I sit in the van waiting to pick up my kid after NOT going to her semi-final basketball game in the next county over. One of my lowest moments - stuffing half of a last cinnamon roll in my mouth after getting tired of hearing one kid complain that his half was smaller than his sister's. This same child also went to school today with pants ripped at the knee because they were his last clean pair.

I'll get to the point. Your kids don't need you to be perfect. They just need you. To love them and feed them and make them do their homework and fuss at them when their room is dirty and pretend to listen to them when they are telling you about some video game you care nothing about and hug them and tease them and embarrass them in front of their friends and stand up for them and say, "This is my child and I am his mama."

When did I get so old?

I realized the other day that I am quite possibly halfway or almost halfway through my life. In addition, my husband just shared with me that he had a dream last night that he died. [Sidenote: this had to be a dream because neither of us is allowed to die before the kids are mostly moved out of the house.]. Anyway, it gets me to thinking. Why waste my time worrying about the insignificant crap of the daily grind. Granted, stuff has to get done. But what I really want to do is invest in being the wife and mama and, eventually, mother-in-law and grandmama that my family can count on. Worries be gone. Let Mama-awesomeness reign supreme!

The First Post

I'll keep it short.  Mostly because I can hear a kid down the hallway who needs to be put to bed soon before he breaks something.  Or hurts someone.

Here's what you won't see here -

• black and white photos of my entire family on the beach dressed in white collared shirts and khakis
• information on how to grow your own food or bake your own bread

Here's what you will find here -

• amusing stories about life in a real live family of 10 very different people
• helpful bits of mama info that I pick up as I go
• confessions of a low maintenance wife and mom

I'm starting to bore myself so its time to wrap it up.